Playing big

Today as I was watching my daughter's violin lesson, her wonderful teacher Cate asked "Maddy, do you consider yourself to be someone who holds pieces of herself back & tries to take up less room? Or do you think of yourself as someone who opens right up and shares with everybody and isn't afraid to be noticed?"

"Well...both, I guess." (Which is true...she does both. Maybe we all do.)

"Hmm. Right now your violin is asking you to open up more.  To be bigger.  To take up space. To share more of what you're feeling through your music.  It's a great invitation!  Can you do it?"

Meanwhile, I'm over on the scratchy sofa, inspired and inwardly nodding my head and saying "Yes, I can, Cate. I will play bigger.  I will share. I will take up space."  

My life has been asking that of me lately, too, and it's scary: a challenging new church calling, for example. A chance to step up and demonstrate what I've learned in an unfamiliar setting. And a lingering desire to express myself in writing.  I'm a walking contradiction (um, my first blog was called Ambitious Homebody...that about sums it up). I want to rise to the challenge that opportunities bring.  But I also crave staying well within my comfort zone.  Preferably with jammies on. Pieces of this Nelson Mandela passage have been rattling around my brain so I had to go look it up:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Amen, Nelson Mandela. You know what you're talking about, sir.

[I have edited this a couple of times as I've thought about it further. Sorry for the re-publishing!]

Comments

[seven smiles]

Nice.
Guilt is evil, eh?
'Who do I think I am?'
hmmm....That is an interesting question indeed.
Parts of me are always afraid of choosing that one thing to devote my time and energy to. What if I choose wrong?!?
(I enjoyed the quote.)
Thanks.

[Kenny and Linsey]

This was so honest, it was hard to read. Not because of what you said, but because of what it made me think. I'm going to think about this...for awhile. Thank you.

[Annie]

Jenny, you're right. It's the who am I/who do I think I am question that is at the heart of all this, I think..playing big (or whatever you want to call it...fulfilling your measure) is being that who-I-am I guess.

[andrea]

yeah. what nelson said. i couldn't agree more.
good motivation for a little introspection. thanks.

[gab]

I need a permission slip to be mediocre. Stat.

[Michelle]

love, love, love this. I've heard that quote many times and it speaks to me a little differently each time. I want to live big but gosh, I'm scared of failing.

love you Annie. You are fabulous.

[cbentley]

That is powerful! I will use it with a couple of my more reserved students. Some of them are the opposite, where they fill the space with lots of spirit and sound. I have to ask them to be more subtle and contemplative. DON'T SHARE SO BOLDLY and SO MUCH, thank you very much. Thanks for that idea.

[Bridget]

Loved this post Annie. You are definitely someone who falls under the category of living large. I really admire you. How is the big church calling going anyway? Its funny to think that the kids I had in the primary in that ward are now in YW.

[diane]

Pretty sweet deal that Cate gives therapy with her violin lessons.

[Emily]

I first heard that many many years ago and always remembered the "being small doesn't serve the world" part and have tries SOOO hard to help my young women at church understand this. Thanks for the reminder!

[Anonymous]

Loved the post Annie. Definitely what I needed today.
Jen

[Christie]

Oh, I long to be big, but secretly I am so afraid of failure that I often step back and try to take up less space. What a great reminder to step out and be bold.

LOVE that quote. One of my all time favorites. I'd get it tattooed if it wasn't so long.

[dayna]

oh yes yes yes. i will have to use that saying with my own violin students. it is so applicable with the violin, and myself. i am one who tries to take less space, but i am always feeling that life wants me to take up more. it takes effort for me! beautiful post

[Nells-Bells]

I absolutely LOVE this quote by Mandela. Therese sent this to me about 10 years ago and it totally changed my way of thinking. I need to have it framed and put on my wall. Love it!!