Silver linings...

Now that it's been over a week since my crushing disappointment, I'm ready to play a little game of "on the bright side." The deal on our dream house fell through last week and, ever since, I've been moping...slurping away at a bowl of pity soup with a garnish of poor me. But I'm done now. To prove it, here's a list of silver linings I've come up with:
- now we have disposable income again!
- we won't have to box up the whole household and move
- bigger houses are just more rooms to clean
- we can travel instead of paying a significantly higher mortgage
- we can pay for our kids to go to college instead of " " " "
- we can pretty much do lots of things instead of " " " "
- I can replace our hammered sofa
- who wants a beautiful turreted Queen Anne Victorian on a tree-lined village street, anyway?

Well, maybe I'm not completely over it yet.

Supporting cast

As I've blurbed in the sidebar, I'm reading a biography of (Nelle) Harper Lee, the author of To Kill a Mockingbird (and childhood/lifelong friend of Truman Capote). I love bios for the same reason I love going for walks at night and getting glimpses of other people's homes, the interiors illuminated in the evening dusk (hmmm...probably another reason I love reading blogs, too)--a view of life I wouldn't otherwise get.

In biographies, I always notice key, fork-in-the-road, defining moments. The person doesn't, of course, always know that they are defining moments at the time but it's breathtaking to see the sometimes arbitrary hand of fate (like it's playing "I have a little doggy and it won't bite you, won't bite you, won't bit you...but it will bite you!") that makes all the difference.

Harper received an incredible gift as a struggling aspiring writer in NYC. She had met and befriended Michael and Joy Brown, a married artistic couple and when they received a windfall of good fortune they gave her for Christmas *the gift of a year off from her job* to follow her writing dreams. This generous gift made To Kill a Mockingbird possible, financially and (maybe more importantly) as a gesture of faith in her talent.

It's delicious to think about, isn't it--a gift of a year?

These great friends never receive any of the credit for the book; after all, they didn't write it. But they were supporting players in its creation. Supporting actors in films don't get as much screen time but usually carry the more instrumental or complex roles...I think to win a supporting award means more because you've done more with the limited amount of time onscreen.

Being a mom is one of those supporting roles. So is being a teacher, a friend. There's not a lot of glory in being Ethel to someone's Lucy, in being Ma Ingalls to someone's Laura. In fact, sometimes I think I'm not a principal player in my life at all but that I hold bit parts in a lot of other dramas (especially when the dramas include the middle school life of a 13-year-old daughter, for instance...).

But if I'm honest with myself, I have had instrumental, crucial support from a lot of wonderful people--stars in their own right in their own stories but willing assistants to my dreams and development. Here's an beginning list of those without whom my life would have been completely different (such as I am!):

Naturally Mom and dad & sibs--faith in and support of me all along the way. Plus laughter. (Sorry this is starting out sounding like an acceptance speech.)

Mrs. Hall, my first grade teacher--made me feel like her favorite (probably all her students felt that way)

Mr. Eames, my 6th grade teacher--when he chose me for little responsibilities I thought "really? Me?" and it gave me confidence as a student.

Mrs. Johnson, my HS history teacher--encouraged my writing. Plus cried when she taught us about Joan of Arc.

Mrs. Stock, my HS English teacher--Classic grand dame of a teacher. Demanding; never let me skate through.

Grandma B--Helped fund my study abroad in London from her own "pocket money" account. Opened new worlds.

Brian--because when I got a little rebellious he said "this isn't you" and he was right and I stopped.

Greg--has bridged the gap between my "I can't do this anymore" and "I'm thriving doing this!" countless times.

Shelly/Debbie/Jen/Deirdre/Alane/Christie--nourishing, confiding, hilarious, smart friends have made all the difference.

My kids--magnify what's important, minimize what's not, reveal my shortcomings and make meaning for what I do.

Who's on your list?

Judging me by my books

Now that the house is ready to show, I look around and wonder what someone would presume about me after peeking into our lives for a few minutes (and hopefully not rooting around in drawers and closets). Look what's on my bookshelf next to my bed:

-How to Change the World: Social Entrepreneurship and the Power of New Ideas (Bornstein): Because I really do want to change the world. Really. But at the end of the day, I'm just too tired and settle for reading about Other People changing the world.

-Living a Life that Matters (Kushner): See above.

-Pride and Prejudice (Austen): Nothing beats a good Darcy and Elizabeth dose now and then.

-Infant Assessment (Wyly): Work/school seeping into the bedroom. Sorry, Greg.

-The Rough Guide to Guatemala: Possible project in Guatemala...also, armchair traveler. I'm happiest when I have a trip brewing.

-The Artist's Way (Cameron): This book actually points its finger and tsks me from time to time. I should be following my creative dreams more. Sigh.

-Banker to the Poor: Muhammad Yunus: Love reading about cool ideas, inspired people. I've loved Yunus for years and was thrilled when he got the Nobel Peace Prize this year.

-The Emporer's Children (Messud): Half-way read novel. It's received great reviews but I've been slogging through it. It's not the author, it's me.

-Write Away (George): Advice for writing mysteries. Don't know why, except I like mysteries and would love to write a novel.

-Madame Secretary (Albright): Autobio of Madeleine Albright I got for Christmas a few years ago. Her story appeals to me, how she followed her interests, got her PhD in her 30s, tried to make the world a little better. No matter what your politics, you have to respect the effort.

-The Silent Boy (Lowry): I think one of my kids left this in here by mistake. I do love children's lit, including Lowry's writings. Check out her blog: http://loislowry.typepad.com/lowry_updates/

-The Little Lady Agency (Browne): library book. I love brit chick lit. I think there was a little slip-up when I wasn't born British. But nevermind, I'll read about it instead and live vicariously!

So I have no idea what my bookshelf says about me, except that I live vicariously and am a bit eclectic. And you knew that already, didn't you? What's on your bookshelf?