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Monday
Dec082008
Annie Woebegon
Saturday Maddy and I went to the violin store to switch her rental violin for a larger size. They brought out a bunch of violins for her to try and left us in a little aisle to decide which one she liked.
Two aisles over, a father was buying a new cello for his son. He evidently knew the salesperson a little and they struck up a conversation. First he talked about his astoundingly talented little young cellist, who is wowing everyone who teaches him, everyone he meets. Then he moved to discuss another of his kids.
"Did you hear about my oldest?"
"No..."
"He's in Paris this year. Having a wonderful time. He wrote a ballet for his girlfriend, can you believe it? She's a ballerina there and he's head over heels."
"Wow. A ballet?"
"Yes, he just wrote it on a whim. Young love, eh? Well _____ showed it to _______ at the Boston Ballet and now they're thinking of performing it."
"The Boston Ballet? That's amazing!"
"I know. Think of all the composers who would die for that chance. And then Johnny just writes his first ballet...That's not even the best part. Somehow _______, the department head at Yale's School of Music, got his hands on it and sent Johnny a letter saying 'We want you. When you get back to the States, you've got a place at Yale in the composition program.' He said he wanted to go to NEC and I said, 'Johnny, this is your decision but it's a great chance for you.'"
"That's....quite remarkable."
* * *
I hear this kind of thing all the time.
You know the Prairie Home Companion line about Lake Wobegon, "where all the children are above average"? Well, where I live apparently all the children are stellar. Extraordinary. It used to send me into paroxyms of anxiety: should I, too, be taking my kids to more lessons? pushing them to compete more? enrolling them in study courses for the study courses for the standardized tests? sending them to NASA camp and MIT science camp and Yale drama camp and Tanglewood music camp?
The answer is no, of course not. I believe in downtime and childhood and non-regimented exploring. But sometimes it's difficult not to get caught up in the competitive energy of it all. I do believe in education, in interesting experiences, and in supporting talent and hard work. Actually, I'm proud of that boy who wrote the ballet. That's pretty cool! I just have to remember I'm raising people not college applicants, not just someone's future employee. I'm raising someone's best friend, someone's spouse, someone's mother or father.
I have to remind myself that what I want for my kids is a good life, with challenges and joys.
To find something they love to do and develop the work ethic to do it well.
To find someone to love and to know how to be loving.
To use their imaginations and create ideas and passions to follow.
To be able to articulate their thoughts.
To be involved citizens and engaged neighbors.
And, really, the camp for those things is called home.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Reader Comments (20)
A.M.E.N.
I couldn't agree more.
But it's so weird when you do happen upon those conversations. My first thought {even if it is for a nano-second} is to berate myself for not producing a genius child prodegy. Why do I do that? When I totally subscribe to your same philosophy on what kind of people I hope I'm raising?
Good post--good reminder.
:)
What great thoughts. I love when you said that you are raising someones spouse/mother/father/best friend. Why have I never really thought of it quite like that before? I bet if I thought of that before interacting with my kids everyday, I'd react different.
When I am sometimes the only one home all days with my kids while everyone else is running from lesson to lesson (and then I think I'm a bad mom) I can feel comfort in remembering what the prophets have said. That even if the things we are doing are good things, too many are a distraction from the things that really matter.
GREAT POST!
at first i was going to say the guy was probably making it all up. but then i remembered where you live.
but ON that note... did you know your kids could probably make up a resume to rival that one, and no one would ever know the difference. so there's your easy out.
but ps. i feel the same way, and i also occasionally get the pangs of guilt when the kids' friends are too busy to play with them. then i remember stuff like what you wrote. so thanks for the daily reminder.
Yes, yes and yes. I love reading your thoughts Annie.
I have lots of stories on this subject; be ready for another Annie inspired post soon. ;)
While I do think that your children (and mine) are incredibly gifted wonderful people, I agree with the low -key parenting. I've been amazed to see how much my sons truly LOVE music now that I'm not pushing them.
Is it OK that I'd really like my older boys to at least date your daughters someday? I'm sure everyone with sons feels the same way about your girls.
I hope I'm also raising bloggers who will be real, funny and thoughtful. Afterall, I don't want to get bored reading the posts about brilliant prodigy.
I used to feel guilt that my kids weren't enrolled in college courses during middle school and high school like some of their class mates. My kids remind me that those students have no friends or lives because they are to busy being smart.
such a good reminder! thanks!
oh, annie. i really teared up reading this, because i so completely feel all of those desires for my family. my children aren't even at the age where they can really start 'lessons'. i just want them to have a passion for something that will bless them and others.
there are lots and lots of extremely talented and focused children--focused on one gift or aspect. when they find they aren't the absolute best it can be devastating and debilitating for a child. they lose their whole life's purpose and identity. there will always always be someone else more talented, able, beautiful, funny, etc. i hope that my children will be skilled at some thing and realize this--that their gift is their's to treasure and share and that there will always be others who are more gifted to appreciate and value.
yikes! that was long! thanks for sharing such a beautiful post! and isn't picking out a violin fun?:)
I look back on my own childhood and somehow I managed life without attending pre-pre-school, taking college classes in middle school, and excelling in eight different areas of music at once. What are we doing to these kids, that we forget to let them play because we're too busy planning their career at age 11? I'm so with you, sista.
Bravo mama! Encore, encore!
I'm with you on this one, really I'm with you on everything you write. Just a sidebar on over acheiving kids.... my mother was an only child. She never got anything but a grade of "A" , even in college. She played the piano beautifully and excelled at everything. Her parents constantly praised her and bragged about her. She thought she was one-of-a-kind.
Then she went to college and found out she wasn't the only sea shell on the beach. Much to her surprise there were many others just as acomplished as she.
When you brag about your kids like that man in the music store it's almost embarassing to me as a listener. Let his efforts speak for his achievements. It seems very solicitous (that's a word isn't it?). Oh well, some have to get their kudos by proxy.
You should have offered him a Book of Mormon, you know the one you carry with in your purse, just in case! :) Seriously, having the gospel puts all things in perspective, especially the joys of parenting and discovery and joy in general.
This is another reason I read your blog. Thanks Annie. (Was is you last year who encouraged everyone to write two christmas cards--the sappy, exaggerated, my kids are brilliant kind and then the one about reality--now that was a stroke of brilliance. And here I've been feeling bad for only giving my kids one year of preschool instead of 3.
Yes, I so, so agree. You are in the heart of brainac-ville if ever there was one. It would drive me crazy too. Great post, thanks.
This post was perfect--from the title to the comments--I loved the way you expressed my own thoughts. Thank you for validating my feelings!
Thank you for such a good reminder. I remember the check in my gut when my firstborn was diagnosed with congenital glaucoma at two months old. Suddenly all thoughts of athletic prowess and academic genius etc. were replaced with I hope this boy can see well enough to read, to drive a car, to have a "normal" life. I can still hope for musical prodigy, since Ray Charles and Andrea Bocelli also had congenital glaucoma --can't I?
I so enjoy your blog.
Also, back to the celeb encounters, apparently I met Joe Namath (back when he was "Broadway Joe," according to my mom) when I was an infant. My mom was at the Reno airport when Joe walked away from his entourage to come over and tell her that I was a beautiful baby. She's says she was speechless and just nodded. And, she's still sad that the only witness was my three-year-old brother.
amen...and if you ever need a bit of perspective...come visit me!
Oh my goodness. I wandered over to you from Christie, and I think I may have to link to this post. Not only that, but you have quoted Kurt Vonnegut in your sidebar, I may have to become a regular reader of yours.
I get totally jealous of families like this and always wonder what I'm doing wrong, since I'm obviously not producing this. But I just keep hoping that I'm doing the basics and that's what really matters.
My kids, however, are TOTAL masters at taking care of themselves and never expecting any attention from me...4 siblings is the best for that.
I often quote a comment you made (at least 10 years ago) in a book club meeting before I had any kids. I'm sure you don't even remember it but I think about it and have even blogged about it. You said that when it is all said and done kids want to be with their families at home. That for all the other options available kids really just want to be home with you is a great thing to remember.--Beth Whisamore (blog stalking you after you found me)