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Stepping outside
On Friday evening, everyone was swirling around the kitchen after dinner. Dishes were done. Sam was strumming Hey, Jude on his beloved new ukelele. Laughter. Glow. Singing. It was delicious, hyggli. And, suddenly, too much. I stepped outside to the twilight yard and sat on the patio to cleanse my palate of the sweet heavy rich thoughts and memories we have been serving up lately.
Lots of happenings around here in the last week: Sam's birthday on Monday, lovely family times, Lauren's breathtaking patriarchal blessing last night, her birthday today, sorting and packing and shopping and (tomorrow) flying west with Lauren to deliver her at university. All wonderful, happy events with an aftertaste of leaden, sweet melancholy.
Truth is I've been avoiding writing here. The emotions have outpaced my ability to step outside of it all to reflect and do it justice. I crave sparse and spare and breezy lightheartedness. Luckily I live with these guys:
"Pteradactyl!"
Or, at least, I do for another 12 hours, give or take...
See? I can't be trusted not to take a maudlin u-turn.
I know: She's going to have a fantastic time. She'll be back home in that bed of hers and I am her mother whether she's near or far. But I'm fighting those pesky lumps in the throat today, this week. Far seems far.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Reader Comments (8)
Ah, motherhood. My mom would get sad when I would move down to Provo from Orem for school. I would roll my eyes at her sentiment, but I guess it comes with the territory.
Keep your chin up - even if a few tears are coming down!
{She'll have a fantastic time. And she'll do well, as long as she follows those liner notes :) }
Reading this gave me a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Please offer hope later.
Oh Annie, I'm tearing up just reading this. Reminds me to cherish every single moment. I love the pterydactyl game-so funny! Have a safe trip and call if you need someone to blubber to after you drop her off-All will be well!
You're awesome.
And your kids are too.
We take our lumps and mourn the far and rejoice at the dream of near again.
A big SQUEEZE to your mother heart from mine.
XO
I'm going through this a little and my boyo is only going down the street....to all day Kindergarten. I know it's not the same except that it's change I'm not sure I want emotionally, but I'm quite sure will be for the best logically. It's such an uncomfortably good juxtapostion. Big Hug to you.
I am far from this stage in life, but I appreciate the reminder to cherish each moment. You are such a beautiful writer! Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and family memories in such a sweet way.
Oh, A. My heart aches for you, friend. You put it all down so beautifully. I do not relish the day my own start flying the nest. Hang in there. Love you tons!
Oh, my heart hurts.