In a nutshell

(the one where I catch up with June)

1. Maddy was invited to the Taylor Swift/Justin Bieber concert (the last one on the tour) but then the mom couldn't go. So I took Maddy and friend. Oh, the decibels! But it was great fun.

(They wore fabulous red lipstick for the occasion, of course.)

2. We've been in sports watching frenzy mode all month long. Celtics (sob), World Cup games (I hear buzzing just thinking about it), Wimbledon (oh that cute Isner playing one set for 3 days). 

3. I hung some pictures in our house! It only took 3 years of indecision. And, even so, there will be changes, I'm sure. 

4. Maddy graduated from middle school (more to come on that) and attended the traditional 8th grade semi-formal. I'm impressed by what a good sport she is about finding a dress that is her spunky style and modest at the same time. 

 5. I have learned, again and again, how important exercise is for my mood/energy/life/brain. I am starting to consider it a daily vitamin.  Still loving my 4-mile loop. And, some mornings, playing tennis with Greg, Maddy, or Sam. 

6. I saw Toy Story 3 with Sam the day it opened. We cried. (See it!) 

7. Sam left on his very first scout camp this week. He's excited to sleep in a hammock every night, pass off his environmental science and swimming merit badges, and shower only when he wants to. We miss him but have been taking advantage of the girls-only days, I assure you.

15 minutes after this photo he got a haircut, by the way

8. Where's L this month? Good question! Sometimes we wonder that, too. Studying and taking finals (oh, those junior year pressures). Social life galore. Learning the guitar with her friend A. Scheming to fix up the attic in her room with paint and electricity (the previous owners dropped the ceiling and put in a drop down ladder, making her own private storage space). Getting ready for her next big adventure this summer, leaving in two days for...Tonga!  More about that soon. 

9. We were gifted with a visit from our dear friends of yore, the H family (aka the Sties) this weekend.  We were all thrilled to bask in their awesomeness for not one, not two, but three days (Maddy said "sometimes it feels like they're not just our friends, they're our cousins." True. Also, wishful thinking!)  Alas, I didn't take pictures so I'll have to wait until I can swipe some of theirs.  But it was good to get my Christie fix. I miss her. (And she left me with an awesome hostess gift, a vintage globe from a local antique shop that I have had my eye on for ages.  Seriously, she is that fantastic.)

10. We are off to Eclipse tonight. In a moment of weakness (despite knowing I am WAY too old to stay up that late) I agreed to take a car full of teens to the midnight show. I'd better go take a nap.

Giving up

And now, a little list: Things I have given up in the last few months. (Sorry, Mr. Churchill and your hearty advice.)

~ sugar + dairy (good. and difficult. Also, I fell off the wagon for a bit in Utah.)

~ a dissertation topic (but found a better one, I think)

~ Google reader on the opening iGoogle page of my computer (so I don't get sucked in every single time)

~ some opportunities to nap (but not all!)

~ thyroid medication (it was causing too many side effects)

~ feeling overly anxious and insomniac (see above)

~ expectations and control (a little of it, but still)

~ trying to study at home (more or less) 

~ a little bit of my dignity (oh well)

~ my temper (maybe not really gave it up so much as lost a few times)

~ serving on the board at CRT (it was a wonderful time and now it's time to hand it over)

~ trying to please everyone all the time (well, notice I said all the time. I might still try sometimes--it's a hard habit to break.)

But not blogging! I'm still here. The month of May marks my fifth year of blogging* + I hope to ring it in with newfound gusto and enthusiasm and maybe a teensy bit of moving around of the furniture here. Thanks for not giving up on me. 

*If you count the little family blog I started for my parents and sibs and me in 2006. Which, obviously, I do.

happy jumble

Happy to take off my mind:

• Did I register Lauren for driver's ed? Yes, I did.
• the paper for the class last night. I finished it yesterday. Whew, that was a close one.
• the presentation at the Harvard Faculty Club on Wednesday. Turns out, when I get exceptionally nervous I get really, really drowsy. In spite of my desire to find a quiet corner and nap, it went really well. And best of all? It's over!
• Was my house clean enough for the houseguests last night? No. Not even close. But oh well.

Still whirring in my mind:

• how to teach Lauren to be a good (safe, no accidents, please) driver?
• hmm, why does the stake have a big youth dance on Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve?
• are my kids too busy? and (unrelatedly) when will they learn to clean a bathroom really well?
• and, especially, how to best love and support an awesome friend who has been massively betrayed? and help her see that she's incredible and strong and will be fine?

Happy to look forward to:

• time with 2 longtime friends and 1 new one, staying with us for a long weekend*
• touring around Boston in this lovely early fall weather
• going to a concert by a little band that starts with U and ends with 2*
• slowing down a bit more to enjoy September
• maybe finally hanging a few pictures around the house? And curtains?
• apples and pumpkins and mums and soup and pies...autumn is my favorite

Happy weekend to you

* I am justifying these fun things and my trip to NYC (and, I'll be honest, anything else that comes along--hear that, Christie?) by classifying them as my happy 40th birthday fall extravaganza.

photo via loveyourchaos

There, there little writing phobia

"The angel doesn't sit on your shoulder unless the pencil's in your hand."

~ Mary Oliver

I have that quote posted over in the sidebar and on a bulletin board. But I've been thinking. Is that even true? For me?

* * *

I'm knee-deep in writing a paper for my public health class (my LAST class for my degree. Woohoo! Let's not talk about all the writing that is still ahead of me...).

I have such a love/hate relationship with writing*. I need writing. I love to have written. But it's painful. After 23 years of school (ahem. I know, makes you want to stage an intervention, doesn't it?), I'm finally okay with the way my mind seems to need to write. Instead of fruitless sessions of staring at a blank screen and panicking, I've gone with my natural tendencies to ruminate and organize and THEN write.

1. I get the assignment. Or the idea.
2. I start hating the assignment/idea but my brain starts mulling.
3. I think about it. When I'm making beds, when I'm loading the dishwasher, when I'm in the car, little ideas are floating to the top of my mind. But it counts as time working on the paper (I tell myself)! (If it's a lit review, I start reading articles and taking notes.)
4. I start jotting down random ideas. I am still terrified of actually writing but tell myself to just write whatever ideas have surfaced. There, there, little writing phobia.
5. I start organizing the randomness into a skeleton outline. Again, much soothing of anxiety and telling myself it's no big deal, just writing an outline here.
6. More thinking. I have to walk away several times (sometimes you just have to give in to the adult onset ADD) and come back and type a few more lines.
7. Finally I start writing little snippets into the outline. Again, I am really sneaking up on myself. The idea is to get everything to the stage where the writing is all that's left: the ideas, order, and structure are already done! It might look like procrastination but it's really all just my necessary prep work.
8. NOW I'm truly writing the paper, linking the snippets and fleshing out thought. Inevitably I start getting excited and it starts feeling easier as the paper comes together. (Like childbirth, I'll forget all the pain and effort of the beginning once I get a glimpse of the final product.) THEN I love writing.

So I'm on #7 now with this paper, which makes it sound really good but all that writing is still ahead. Ugh. (And, as you can tell, I've walked away for a bit.)

For the longest time I tried to force myself into the One True Way of Writing, which (I thought or was taught) was sitting down at the computer and writing the whole thing, or at least spending hours on end focused on the writing. I fought myself the whole way.

In reality, if I would have just let myself do it the way I naturally operate--small bursts of attention and energy with lots of unproductive-looking baby steps--I would have been much more productive and happy. A peripatetic writer, that's what I am. And not really a procrastinator after all--a lot of the work just happens below the surface.

So, how does your writing/project process work?

* * *

* does anyone have a love/love relationship with writing?

this was inspired, in part, by Marty's post about the writing muse. Have you checked out her terrific 12-week seminar? Try out her challenges for scouting out your muse. I think my muse hides under the covers or trembles in the corner until I've done all the other prep work. Or maybe she's around the whole time?

Reinflating my summer hopes

Summer and I, we have a tenuous relationship. I do love it, with all its sunny brightness and freedom. Around August, though, all of those summer possibilities start feeling dimmer and my optimism droops. I end up feeling a bit blue, walking around with all of those grand June plans dragging behind me like sad, forlorn deflated balloons.

So it's time to invite a bit more hope into the remaining month (or so) of summer that we have before school starts. I consider it my sandbucket (ha!) list to prop me up through to the end:

1. see a drive-in movie

2. write postcards from touristy spots

3. celebrate Lauren's sweet 16 & Sam's excellent 11

4. play

5. open each morning with a little devotional to kickstart my day

6. take lots more photos

7. wear my swimsuit without worrying (much) or being self conscious (much)

8. go rowing (kayak/canoe/inflatible raft/or huckleberry finn style)

9. pick wildflowers for an arrangement (thanks, ellen! good idea)

10. have lobster wearing a bib

11. find an open field and star gaze

12. eat fresh and local as much as possible

13. teach Lauren to drive (serenity now!)

14. put my fall schedule together with a peaceful heart and limited anxiety

15. get curtains for our front room/library/music room

16. go on lots of walks: morning, twilight

17. show my affection freely

18. make ice cream

19. read Emma out loud with Maddy

20. keep the t.v. off

21. bike rides in the evening

22. keep an open, forgiving, soft, curious heart

23. write some stories

24. grow my fingernails (always on my goal lists, ever since I was 10)

25. have a neighborhood get-together

26. make music

27. have dance contests in the kitchen

28. pick fruit and make pies

29. spend long delicious hours talking with my mom & sister & G & kids

And you?