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The enforcer
Oh, boy, am I unpopular with my kids right now.
You know, way back when I thought about what kind of mom I would be when the time came, I had rosy visions of reading together, making meals together, listening well, giving big warm hugs, bedtime routines, birthday parties. I didn't really dream of being the bad guy. The enforcer. (Ba ba BUUM.)
But, sure enough, that's what's called for sometimes. I'm a parent not a pal, as the lady on the morning talk show said a while back (although, really, I'd love to be a Lorelei, Gilmore Girls-type mom. She seemed to pull off the pal+parent thing, plus witty banter. I know, it's just a tv show.)
We've had some chronic problems with technology use and rule breaking around here and it reached a boiling point this weekend so we held a grand Family Summit on Technology OverUse (you know, the FSoTOU). We ended up with:
Consequence A: one child* can't use the computer nor stay home alone with the computer for a week (broke house rule about not going on the computer when you're home alone, sneaked on and then tried to cover it up. Good try attempting to fool The Enforcer!).
Consequence B: one child* will have certain "texting hours" every evening/afternoon but put away the phone the rest of the time (had banked a shocking 8000 texts in one month. Yikes. I'm not sure I could think of 8000 things to say in one month. Moderation, anyone?)
Consequence C: one child* has lost cell phone privileges altogether for two weeks and will gradually be able to get it back (chronically texting after hours/lights out and throughout the school day. I mean, really. How can you listen in class if you are texting every few minutes? Come on. Plus it's against school rules. Those cell phone bills are fantastic aids for this kind of sleuthing, I found out this weekend.)
Here's the thing. I had no idea until I checked the phone bill. Surprise! (Not in a good way.) So we enforced. There were tears and some cold shoulders for a bit. Now I'm mostly noticing more book reading, more conversations, more presence, more of how we want to be (or at least how I want us to be).
And in the meantime I'm looking more closely at my own technology habits (+ knowing I am being watched carefully for slip-ups). How does your family manage the technology pull? How do you?
*may or may not be same child in more than one scenario.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Reader Comments (10)
Ooh. Nothing makes me angrier than a student texting in my class. Every semester I rant and rave about texting on the first day. And still, every semester NUMEROUS students attempt texting under the table. It's just plain rude. Unfortunately many students lack some form of ENFORCER, so they seem physiologically unable to stay away from their phones for an hour. As the instructor, I don't want to be the ENFORCER...that's their parents' jobs. Ack.
Good for you, Annie. I think too many parents pretend to be helpless in similar situations and don't do anything. My kids are too little yet for cell phones, but already the rules are starting to run through my mind...
P.S. So I've been waiting for the next installment of your courtship/engagement to G story. Don't leave me hanging! I mean, I know how it ends, I just want to know how you get there!
I learned most of my lessons when there were consequences. There are going to be rules/regulations throughout life so it's good to have a dose of reality now.
Ugh. I share your rosy visions and feel your pain.
I hate the "surprise" give-away as well as the cold shoulder (and stomping...we get a LOT of stomping around here. Is it a boy thing?)
But you are one good mama. Stay strong, my friend.
(And I think you're part Lorelei anyway. Witty banter and all.)
We are just getting into this territory with Caleb being the oldest. I have had to take the phone away once but he's been pretty good but I too should check the phone bill just to be sure...You have great kids BECAUSE you are the Enforcer-you go girl!!! By the way, I love the picture you used for this post. I think you should find some goggles like that and wear them the next time you have a grand family meeting-they might not take you seriously though.
Not yet venturing into cellphone territory, but I do feel like a big meanie with computer/tv/video game monitoring.
I feel frustrated in Seminary when the kids are on their phones. Of course, half of them have their scriptures on the phone, so I can't tell if they are following along or doing something else. It's hard to find rules to fit the technology.
Yeah, we are still in the clear on this one, too. We have a phone that the kids can use, but only if they are going to be someplace that I need to get a hold of them. It's a pre-paid deal, and in a year, they've only used up $25 of the $100 we put on there. I know it's coming, and I don't look forward to it. Good job enforcing though. It's good to be the parent.
If the shoulders get too cold, just let me know and I will pat it until it warms up again. Hang in there!
Glad to hear that I am not the only one up for "meanest mom of the year" award! Cell phones are so tricky. I feel like I am the one getting punished when I take them away because then I can't get ahold of my kids when I need to. But it can't be healthy for them to be connected to everyone 24/7! Sounds like we have some of the same rules about usage, but it really is hard to enforce sometimes. Good luck! I'm getting a text from Zach as we speak...(yes, he is in school!)
i would LOVE to see more discussion on this topic. i find it frightening, to say the least. either way, i would do the same thing you did, and i feel good about it.