Grappling season

Isn't that a great word, grappling? It makes me think of rappelling off of a mountain or angry apples or grabbing at things too far to reach. Whatever the case, it pretty much encompasses in one word what I'm feeling lately. Some people preserve apples, I preserve grapples, including:

• what to post. I come here, look around, linger with fingers frozen above the computer keys and think.....empty. Jilted at the word well. I've got nothing, my people.
  
• how to be a better mom. I think we moms always grapple with this but there are times when we feel especially ill equipped and inadequate. Red circle around this month for coming up short, parenting wise.
  
• which brings me to the big grapple--whether the phd program needs to go out the window in order to preserve happiness and joy throughout the land. Truth? My heart's not in it lately. I can't decide if it's terminal or just a phase but this is the one and only optional portion of my life. Trudge along or not? Please discuss.
• how to convince a frisky red squirrel that our attic is not his home for the winter.
• a potpourri of unnecessary worries, not worthy of grappling but they don't seem to know it.
  

Enough of my grapplesauce. Suffice it to say, there is grappling and it is time consuming.

We had a wonderful visit with Greg's family for the funeral, celebrating Grandma Pearl and hugging each other. We also sneaked (snuck? definitely not snook) in a quick dinner with my parents, who drove to Brigham City to meet us as we traveled from Idaho to the airport in SLC (three cheers for the Maddox meat fest!). The red eye plane flight back took its toll on all of us. I even fell asleep at a stoplight--fully, dreaming asleep at the wheel. Greg had to wake me up so I could finish the drive home. Even so, we are thrilled to be getting back on the plane tomorrow for our previously scheduled trip to spend Thanksgiving with my parents. Good movies, fabulous food, and great conversation ahead. No grappling there!

Comments

[Stie: My Favorite Things]

I say trudge along, for now. You've hit a bad spot and it will pass. This time of year is HORRIBLE, even if you're not a phD student, so I say don't give up yet. You obviously wanted it bad enough to start, right?

And don't beat yourself up parenting-wise. You're a great mom. Look at your three beautiful darlings. How could they be so wonderful without your influence?

Hang in there, friend. And yes, your blog words have been missed. But I get the whole stumped thing. I'm feeling it myself.

[Anonymous]

A, you are one of the best mom's I know. Susie and I were just talking about what a wonderful mom you are. Maybe you're just ready for the Christmas break, and you'll come back anxious for school again. (do you get Christmas break in a PhD program?)
Jen

[gab]

I'm glad that even you have your "off" moments. You seem (in your blog and during the delightful few hours we spent in NYC) to be very together and sweet and confident and loving.

I say don't make any major changes or beat yourself up too badly until January. That's what New Year's Resolutions are all about, right?

Have a fun vacation. Please post though...I missed your thoughts!

[Bridget]

I love all the forms of the verb 'to grapple' you used. I'm with everyone else. Give it some time. And I am also happy to hear I am not the only one who sometimes has the time to blog but nothing meaningful to say.

[Emily]

I concur I concur I concur. If that's how you spell concur anyway. I agreed with your post--the dulldrums, the not knowing what to say, and I agreed with everyone's comments. Give it a bit more time. Like Gab said, I have a hard time thinking of you as not completely organized and put together. You seem to take everything in stride so take a few more strides and see how you feel then.