Imaginary mentors

Back not too long ago, I worked on a research study of teen mothers.  We would schedule a visit with a young mom, then go and conduct a lengthy interview about her experiences growing up 

and with school 

and with the baby's father 

and about her pregnancy 

and feelings about being a mother 

and about her child. 

 These taped interviews would then be transcribed.  Later we would each listen to them all (not just the ones we conducted but everyone's) and code their responses.  It was all fascinating (it must appeal to the eavesdropper in me) but one question in particular always stood out for me:

Who are your parenting role models?

Sometimes they'd mention their own mom.  More often an aunt or a grandma.  But surprisingly often they would cite a fictional or celebrity mom:  Claire Huxtable on the Cosby Show.  Lorelei Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. Angelina Jolie. Etc.

Certainly it was sad when there were no real LIVE role models for mothering.  It goes without saying (but here I go) that actual role models are important in learning how to effectively parent...That's a topic for another day.

Today I was listening to an interview on NPR where the editors of Variety asked "is there a movie that changed your life (even just a little bit)?"  and I remembered those girls-almost-women and their connection with made-up characters, brand new moms looking for some other way (in many cases) than what they themselves got.  And I thought, good for them. Seeking.  Aspiring.  Resourceful.  So what if the role model is imaginary, if the lessons are real?

.  .  .

I have my own fictional touchstones of motherhood. Do you?  

I like 

yes, Claire Huxtable's feistiness and humor.  

And Lorelei's sense of fun and closeness and connection with her daughter.  

And, in books, Victoria Austin in the L'Engle's Austin series (growing up, I always thought that's how I'm going to be...) 

And Atticus Finch's wisdom and gentleness and integrity.  

And the mom in Blueberries for Sal. Just because.

What fictional moms (might) have made an impact on you?

Or am I just a little wacky?

.  .  .

Maddy's home tonight!

Comments

[martha corinna]

Faye Dunaway's portrayal of Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest.

OK, that was a joke, really.

I'll have to think about it and come back. I know that I have them.

[Allysha]

I do love Atticus.

But off the top of my head, I can't really think of fictional characters I have wanted to emulate.... hmmmm.

[Daniel]

It kinda disturbs me that even with all the books I've read, there are no fictional mothers worthy of emulation that spring immediately to mind. From my experience it seems that mothers hold the fabric of society together, so why aren't they more prevalent in our art? Anyway, the best role model I could come up with is Ma Ingalls in the Little House books, but she's not even really fictional. Maybe I'm reading all the wrong books and watching the wrong movies?

[Michelle]

I've had this post saved for a few days to comment on. My own relationship with my mother was not good(getting better! I need to email you.). I never chose fictional mother-models but I have many many local heroes(including you) that I watch intently and copy blatantly.