Parentese. Parent ease? Parent tease?

 

I'm thrilled to have Tessa Meyer Santiago at Letters to a Parent this week.  She wrote about, among other things, a familiar feeling I've had as a mother, too. Kind of an identity crisis of sorts. It started when I had my first baby and, after a few days, couldn't shake the feeling that I was somehow waiting for her 'real' parents to pick her up pretty soon, just faking it until someone more qualified showed up.  And then, later another epiphany emerged when I realized that my kids see me as That Central Person the way I saw my mom.  Was I Grown-up enough to qualify for that? Ah, but Tessa says it so much better than I do:

I am simultaneously small Tessa, knobbly-kneed in green school uniform, and someone’s mother. The years run through me like it was yesterday, today and tomorrow at the same time...

I thought getting older meant I would suddenly be transformed into the competent, unruffled, self-assured adults who surrounded me as children–at least from my vantage point closer to the ground...

I am learning that, sometimes, it requires tremendous courage and nerve to simply show up, to be present in a particular day. 

Check out the whole essay here.  (It's a little longer than LTOP's usual posts but completely worth the extra minute or two.)

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Do you have a post about parenthood you'd like to see on Letters to a Parent? Would you like to tell us about an experience or lesson in your mothering/fathering learning curve? Or even a photo, poem, image that distills what parenting is to you?  Send it, lovelies.  Do.  And, psst, pass it on.

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Comments

[Christie]

I loved her essay. Found myself in tears as I said Yes! Yes! Me, too! throughout the whole thing. She is a beautiful writer. Thanks for sharing her with us.

[Michelle L.]

I loved that post. Thanks for all the goodness you bring into my life Annie.

[andrea]

HOLY SMOKES! how do you know tessa? she is a friend of our family. my parents' best friends named their daughter after her. she served her mission in boston years ago. holy small world. ask her abou the ockeys.

crazy. CRAZY, i'm telling you.

[Carolyn]

OH, Annie, I love all your entries. The parenting thing - I feel guilty that I haven't sent anything in. After all, I AM your mother. You would think I could come up with something pithy. But alas, I am gobsmacked to put word to paper. I do love my sister Susie's answer years ago, after she had children. Of course, before she had children she knew a lot about parenting and how to do it right, observing all of her older siblings obviously making mistakes. Anyway, when my mother asked her how she was doing, Susie said, "We don't know as much as we used to, but we are happier." That is exactly how I feel at this point in time. I know a few things, but I am also less sure of many things, and therein is the adventure. As Louise Hubbard quotes, "Questions open doors. Answers close them." I guess I do love the questions, as Rilke advises. Love you,
Ma