Being a Partier

Ah, the power of a good gathering. I can't think of a faster ticket to bringing acquaintances across the border to friendship or to transforming a bit of loneliness to feeling more connected. I have found it's especially powerful when you're in a new town/home/country, far from family, and are still figuring out your place in your new world.

We decided to celebrate the new year with a casual stop-by-whenever-you-can brunch today for New Year's Day with some of the new friends and hopefully-soon-to-be friends who have made us feel welcome here. Nothing fancy. Aebleskivers (would you expect anything different?). American style bacon (yes! big news! we found a place with a very close version). Fruit. 

I'm no expert but over the years I've made enough missteps that I've learned some lessons on how to make it a more enjoyable experience all around. So, for what it's worth, here are a few of my tried-and-trues (also to be filed under my liner notes of advice for my kids):

Enlist the whole family. Listen. Don't be a martyr. Involve the whole crew in getting ready. It's no fun for anyone if you are harried and sweaty and martyr grumpy by the time people arrive. (I loved Robin's post about this martyrdom thing that we all feel at times, which made me think harder about how to avoid it.)

Here's what works for us: When we have people coming over I brainstorm all the prep tasks crazily swimming around my brain and put each one on a post-it. Then I call everyone into the kitchen to initial the ones they each will do, including me (and the early bird gets the best choices). Then as they're completed we take the notes off the wall. This makes it super simple: no one has to ask how they can help...they just do. And no one (you or me) has to angrily bang around pans and dishes feeling unsupported and alone. Not that that's ever been a behavior I have indulged in or anything.

Keep it simple, simple, simple. Choose food you can prep in advance. The idea is that you have time to chat with people, not be stuck in the kitchen, scurrying around. Sometimes I have the main dish premade by one of our favorite take-outs (like pulled pork BBQ) and just add the sides. If doing things up fancy makes you feel all happy and alive, great. High five. But there's no shame in paper plates, cups, and a store-bought pie. 

Relax and enjoy. Repeat after me: this is all about enjoying the people. You can worry about dishes or carpet stains or counters later but right now is time for some zen in your life. Okay, yes, check to make sure there's enough forks or whether the drinks need to be replenished but for the most part be in the moment and go along for the ride. 

Provide some distractions. Knowing we had 40+ people in a wide range of ages here today, we set out legos, books, guitars/ukes, games, and nerf guns (what a combo, huh?) for people to discover and play if they wanted. (Some of them even brought their own guitars, hooray!)

Singing outside, singing inside. Mercy. These guys can come to my house every day if they'll bring their music along, too. It made my heart so happy to hear and, even better, everyone else sang along. 

I also set my camera to "auto" and invited people to snap pictures as the morning went on. Maddy got some great shots:

At the end, after awkwardly determining whether to kiss cheeks/hug/shake hands as your guests leave (or maybe that only happens to me?) and after waving the last goodbye, don't let the in-house troops disappear. Give assignments for wrap-up while you debrief the party and chat about all the goings on. It's almost as fun as the party itself!

Take a nap. Or a bath. Really, you should. You deserve it.

Getting cozi

First, before I start glorifying the beauty of scheduling and calendars for a fairly busy family, I want to be clear: I believe in down time. I want my kids to enjoy hours of free range decisions, to be creative, to have daydreaming time,  to nestle in with a good book.  I spent long hours of my childhood following the trail of my imagination and have worked to clear space in our lives for our kids to do the same.

I loved what Jennie had to say about this.

And Tara Whitney. Treat yourself to a read of her ode to this kind of life. Bravo, Tara.

Having said that, sometimes your kids turn into high schoolers with their own opinions whose trails of imagination lead straight to music lessons and play practices. And it becomes tricky to make sure everyone is where they're supposed to be.

We have tried different calendars and techniques to help make sure we are where we need to be. Recently we've finally settled on a system and I've loved it so much that I thought I'd share in case it's helpful to someone else. 

I joined Cozi over a year ago but I just didn't really use it. I'm a paper-lovin' gal and was perfectly happy with my lovely exacompta planner refill every year (which I still have and use). But we needed a way to operate from a family master calendar that everyone could access at any time. So in January we started putting everything into Cozi (by the way, they don't know me nor have they asked me or paid me to do this. I just really like them).

Here's what I love: 

1. everyone can access this from a computer, cell phone, etc. for the most up-to-date version. So if something changes schedule-wise for G when he's at work, he can go right in and change it
2. you can program an event to repeat every day, weekday, week, month, year, etc. or even every 13 (or whatever) weeks, making it much more flexible than iCal or other digital calendars
3. you can program it to send an email or text message reminder to specific people for any item (for instance, Lauren needed to remember to talk to her counselor at school but kept forgetting so we just added a reminder to the calendar and it pinged her.) 
4. you can tag any combination of people for their own events
5. there's an app for that so we can input or check schedules on iphones, blackberries & itouches
6. the to-do lists and shopping lists mean that everyone can add to the list and then we have it handy on our phones when we're at the store
7. you can schedule something in the far distant future instead of waiting to get next year's calendar
8. it's free

We use it as our master list for everything and then we print it out, week by week, and post it on the fridge. If you have older kids or teenagers (or if you, like me, chronically forget appointments--oh the shame) this could be just the ticket.

Still, nothing makes me happier than an empty square on the calendar (next Monday and Tuesday, I'm looking at you and cheering).

How about you? How do you keep track of your life?
  

Those natural consequences

Last year Lauren and I had lots of run-ins about things. Things she felt entitled to own, things we either couldn't afford or couldn't justify.  Every "no" was received like we were denying water to the thirsty.  Or stingily holding back oxygen.

On one level, Greg and I both understood how she felt.  We both remember those desperate teenage feelings, the conviction that this one thing will change my life, my status, my very self.  (For me, it meant "borrowing" sweaters from my dad's closet even though I knew he'd be angry; G remembers throwing a fit in a shoe store [not as a teenager though] when he couldn't get the cool shoes).  But still.  The constant hunger for the next thing, coupled with a sense of entitlement and lack of gratitude, was driving me crazy and coloring many of our interactions.  Oy.

So at the end of the summer, we introduced a new plan, Lauren's New Deal.  We would pay Lauren a fairly nice monthly sum of money (not that much, not too little) but she would be responsible for purchasing her own things.  We would cover food and lessons and essentials but she would buy the extras: clothes, social activities, texting charges, clothes, little incidentals.  She could fritter it away on little things or save it over time for big things.  It's up to you, darlin'.

Exhibit A: See her cell phone up there?  It's taken a beating (an outright understatement). She's dropped it (multiple times), put it through some heavy conversing and texting, left it where Louie could try his chops on it, even lost it a couple of times.  It's not pretty but it still works. Since replacing it would come out of her funds (and when weighed against a new dress for the semi-formal or a new ipod or jeans)--she doesn't feel the desperate urgency to get a new one.   It makes me laugh every time I see it.  And proud.  

The unexpectedly hardest part for me is letting her live with the consequences of her choices without swooping in and saving her, supermom with amazing + heroic spending powers.  At this very moment, she has no jeans that fit.  None.  They are all high-waters, bless her heart and growing limbs.  She has spent her funds on lunches out with friends, shirts, gifts for friends. Doo-dahs, forgetting her one real need: new pants. This is the hard lesson, the one that I desperately want to soften.  But softening it would only undo the learning, right?

So I keep my unhelpful rescue superpowers to myself, letting life teach her a few lessons while she's safely nestled under our rafters.  Unless there's such a thing as the outgrown jeans fairy?  

I guess not.

Deck of cards

Let the card season begin!  

Don't you love this time of year, 

when the mailbox actually yields Good Mail?!  

(We got our first one in the mail yesterday.  Overachievers!)

My holiday card rules for us: 

capture the real us, 

make it simple,  

have a bit of oomph/uniqueness.

I just came across a cache of our old cards.

It's magic--->

Watch us age before your very eyes...

 

1998

*

1999

This is one of my favorites because I look good in the picture

(I was at my skinniest post-motherhood weight then)

*

2000-2002

missing in action

where are these cards?

Dunno.

*

2003

purchased card frame

and timer-camera photo in the cold

(sometimes just getting out a card is enough, right?)

What I remember about this one is some friends thought 

that was our house and rock wall.

No.  That would be the Old North Bridge and the Old Manse.

Thanks for thinking that though!

*

2004

This time we included a cheesy amusement park photo

from our trip to Denmark

It still makes me laugh.

Not pictured: update letter about our doings

*

2005

Purchased photo card, printed letter (not shown).

That year we found a format we liked, using four things

(best thing, first time, favorite things, famous quote)

for each of us.

*

2006

One of my favorites:

2006 was inspired by a fun wedding announcement 

we received that year

(Thanks Nathan and Sarah Jane)

It was a little packet of 4 pieces:

the red cover

the black and white photo

the update letter

the paper band holding them together

The picture was taken at Niagara Falls

and I took one for the team since it was not

a flattering picture of me AT ALL.

*

2007

easiest ever:

I was so late doing these that the paper store

was out of red and green paper.

One long strip of paper

with photobooth photo on front

(scanned and printed on photo paper)

and a little message on the back.

Not even an update

(and the first time I decided to refer people to my blog).

*

By the way, I'm trying to figure out this year's card.

Do you have any hints?

I tag all of you to do a post of past cards.

(HA! You weren't expecting that, were you?)

Then send me the link,

and I'll publish all the links here.

Pretty please?

I really need some inspiration this year.

And also, how do you display the cards you receive?

I'm your geek

I'm his geek. Not sure how I feel about the larger format for pictures of me, however

Whenever I figure out something tech-related at our house, G says "you're my geek!" (I like to think it's said lovingly + proudly. Wait, do you think Brad says that to Angelina? Am I undermining myself here? Should I be more technologically helpless? Please advise.) Really, the secret is...I'll read the directions when he won't. Key to marital satisfaction, that. Someone has to read the directions.

Today I'm on loan as your geek. I'm sadly lacking in HTML ability (or any understanding thereof) but I'm pretty dogged when I really want to figure something out. And I WANTED BIGGER PHOTOS, darnit. Several of you asked for the secret codes to unluck all this big photo-ness so I thought I'd share here.

I know. This will only be interesting to a couple of people. If you don't have a blog, you won't want to read any further. Regular programming will resume next post.

* * *

This is for Blogger templates with two columns: one wide for posts (and those gorgeous big photos!) and the other a smaller sidebar. Mine is a Minima template, if that means something to you.

First you will reformat the blog to make it wider.

Click the "layout" tab at the top of your editing page for your blog

Now click "edit HTML" (you might want to copy the whole existing template and save to your hard drive just in case. I didn't do this but I feel like I need to give you the warning and the option.)

Scroll down until you see the section of the template. You'll see (red is added):

#outer-wrapper {
width: 660px;
margin:0 auto;
padding:10px;
text-align:$startSide;
font: $bodyfont;
}

This will change the width of your whole layout, the whole page. You can change the width up to about 950 (or so I read). Change the number "660" to the new width (I did 950).

Now you want to widen the two different columns. You want the two numbers to add up to less than 950 so there is a little space between them. (Otherwise they run right into each other). To do this, you scroll down a little bit in the HTML template to the next block of code. First the main column ("main wrapper"):

#main-wrapper {
width: 410px;
float: $startSide;
word-wrap: break-word; /* fix for long text breaking sidebar float in IE */
overflow: hidden; /* fix for long non-text content breaking IE sidebar float */
}

Simply replace the "410" in red with the new number. I changed mine to 650.

Next, do the same for the sidebar width ("sidebar wrapper"). This code is located right there after the main wrapper:

#sidebar-wrapper {
width: 220px;
float: $endSide;
word-wrap: break-word; /* fix for long text breaking sidebar float in IE */
overflow: hidden; /* fix for long non-text content breaking IE sidebar float */
}

Again, just replace the old "220" with the new width. (Mine was 250. 650 of the main column + 250 in the sidebar = 900, leaving 50 whatever-you-call-its as margin in between).

You can tinker with this until you get a layout that you like. Hit "save template" (and say a little prayer).

Now you're ready for the photo part of the operation.

(Is there anyone still with me? Hello? Yoohoo? No? Okay...catch you another day. Yes? REALLY? You must really want those big photos!)

Bad news: hitting the "add image" button will never, ever result in wide photos. Or not until Blogger changes something. Who knew?

Instead, you need to post your photos not from your own hard drive but from a photo hosting site like Flickr or Photobucket. Plus that way you won't lose EVERY photo in a hard drive crash. Or drop your computer from a counter and lose them that way. Just saying.

Create your post as usual. In HTML mode (not "Compose"), put this code where you're ready to post a photo:

img src="http address of your photo" width="100px" height="100px" /

(but begin it with a < and end with a >. I couldn't add those to the code here or it would try to post a photo there!)

You will replace the blue code with the http address of your photo on the hosting site (each of the sites have their own way of providing this but it's pretty obvious.)

The red code determines the dimensions of the photo. 100x100 is a small square. The easy way is to just change EITHER the width or the height and just delete the other. It will size itself to the right proportions. Since I made my main column 650 px, I made the width (or the height, if it was a vertically oriented picture) 650 px.

Again, you can monkey with this a bit until you get it the way you like.

* * *

Voila! Big beautiful photos and a wider blog. (Oooo..I wish I knew the html code to my hips...I would definitely bring the pixels numbers down a bit, especially post vacation. Anyone got those codes?)

If you use this info for your site, leave your blog address in the comments for us all to admire!

Good luck!

Thanks to this site for info on reformatting and this site on photo enlarging. And this one.

And this is the part where I say I am not a professional and am not responsible for the results on your own blog. OK? I may or may not be able to help with questions either. Sorry. I was an English major! Ask me to diagram sentences or deconstruct a poem and I'm all over it.