Last Lecture for now

Today was the last session of the human development course I taught this semester. To wrap it up, I asked the students to bring in something about a life story, real or fictional (novel/movie clip/article, etc.) to relate to some aspect of the course.  I loved what they came up with.  It ended up taking the whole class since everyone had given it such thought and had so much to say.  If you have a few minutes, the links (I starred the ones that were especially compelling) are wonderful:

• Father of the Bride 2 -- middle adulthood, Levinson's theories of midlife change
  
• The Perks of Being a Wallflower -- attachment, identity formation in adolescence (Erikson, Marcia)
  
• *Mean Girls clip (3:43-5:27)-- identity moratorium, adolescent social aggression
  
• Smashed -- Erikson's intimacy vs. isolation stage, inhibited by alcoholism
  
• song "Time of Your Life" -- developmental transitions, exceptions to set theory
  
• **About Schmidt final letter-- Erikson's ego integrity vs. despair in mid adulthood
  
• song Mr. Larkin by State Radio -- older adulthood, prejudice
  
• Old School -- exceptions to older adulthood preconceptions
  
• Goonies -- middle childhood Erikson's industry vs. inferiority stage
  
• *the Last Lecture -- loss, ego transendence, Erikson's generativity, 
  
• Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius -- early adulthood and Erikson's intimacy vs. isolation
  
• When I am an Old Woman -- older adulthood, theories of positive aging
  
• **The Giving Tree (2) -- lifespan development, attachment, Erikson's stages
  
• *Guys and Dolls -- (first few minutes of documentary of Lars and the Real Girl-type relationships) social work practice, culture/microculture, Erikson's intimacy/isolation 
  
• Tuesdays with Morrie -- ego transendence and generativity
  
• Archie comic book -- adolescence transition, scaffolding, conceptions of adolescence
  
• Dalai Lama -- moral development, ego transcendence, older adulthood, "good death"
  
• Mr. Rogers -- social learning theory, attachment
  

It feels so great to be done but I'm going to really miss that class, those students.  They were very patient & accepting of this green, nervous, shaky-voiced first-time prof.  

class of idealistic, passionate grad students + human development course content =

life affirming and hopeful alchemy

Magical thinking

The topic for that class’s session was Loss, Death, and Dying. Pretty heavy for the second session, I remember worrying. I wanted to not just talk about dry theories and research (Kubler Ross’s “stages” of grief, research on palliative care, on grief at different developmental stages) but to be able to talk about real issues and experiences. These are social workers in training, after all. I prepared a few extras to generate conversation, illustrate the concepts and provide a bit of variety to the class.

Scenes from Away From Her. And Ponette (a gem).

And, also, audio clips from StoryCorps. Here and here.

{I’m a crier. If my heart is at all cracked open, the tears flow. Truthfully, at home I kept crying during those scenes and so I had to watch them over and over so I got used to them enough to maintain my composure in class.}

It went well, better than I expected. As I played the clips--narratives of real people talking about their experiences with death--one of my students, just inside my line of sight to the left, started weeping quietly. She searched her pockets for tissues and dabbed at her face for several minutes. At the end she left class before I could catch her so I emailed her to make sure she was okay and that the class hadn’t brought up some painful experiences or memories.

“Thank you for checking in” she wrote back. “I am okay :) but I was definitely struggling to balance my emotional mind and rational mind! Those were wonderful clips and I am glad you exposed us to them--thank you; it must be a difficult subject to have to teach, as well.”

As a fellow crier, I have had a soft spot E ever since. In a room full of wonderful and inspiring students, she is a favorite. We chat now and then, before or after class. But I am her professor and we are not really friends.

I received an email from her last week during break. “I just wanted to let you know I’m going through a difficult time right now. After our recent break-up, my boyfriend of three years has gone missing. We’re all worried and desperate to find him.”

And then, on the weekend, an email from her roommate. They found his body. He took his own life. E is, of course, devastated.  But she plans to continue the semester and attend her classes.

And so I cannot stop thinking about her. Can I even imagine what she must be going through? My mothering instincts outpace my professorish professionalism. I want to hug her. To slip a handkerchief into her hand inscribed with “it will eventually feel better.” Mostly, I want to go back to the second session and prepare her for the looming tragedy, to whisper soothing and protective words. To find some secret formula to ward off this kind of pain. 

I know, I'm not in that kind of role in her life. But I'm too new at this to have that fact even matter.  All those theories and research suddenly feel too paltry.

Ah, life.  Sometimes I don't know what to do with you.

Two hours

If you're from around my era, you know the movie Better Off Dead revolves in part around the phrase "two dollars...." { As I type this, I realize it's one of those have-to-watch-it phenomena but I'll keep plowing through for the sake of a comparison I'm trying to make.  But if you already know this about Better Off Dead, we need to be best friends.}  The paperboy, back in the day when paperboys came to the door to collect their fees, haunts the main character in search of his two dollars.  Everywhere he turns, there's the paperboy with his palm up and his demand for two dollars.  You get the picture.

For me, it's two hours.  I am haunted by two measly hours out of the 168 hours I live and breath each week.

Mondays, 10-12, if you're wondering.

Those hours--the anticipation of them, the planning for them, the living through them, the possibilities for failing them, the replaying them later--follow me around all week long, palm up and saying (in italics, of course) two hours.

And that is what I have to say about how I am enjoying teaching my first solo university class (thank you for asking and for your kind words).  I am passionate about the material (love it! Lifespan Human Development) and overwhelmed by the enormity of the subject, doled out in a dozen or so two-hour doses.  I am daunted by the task of mastering the content deeply enough.  And by the fact that these students will eventually go out, as social workers with master's degrees in hand, and help people using what they learn (no pressure there!)

But.  I have been blessed with an inquisitive, engaged class who seem to be willing to overlook when I trail off at the end of the sentence (I do this all the time, not just teaching...).  They comment, ask, challenge, laugh with me.  They are diverse, from early 20s to 60s.  I even {thank you serendipity) have a student who was in a class I TAed a few years ago--a friendly face in the crowd of newness. So it's good.  I leave exhilarated and charged.

And then the haunting begins again.  

I really don't know how REAL teachers do it who teach every. single. day.  Hats off.

"Teaching is the greatest act of optimism" ~ Colleen Wilcox

"...and the greatest act of insecurity, nervousness, and exhilaration" ~ Annie

photo via

Elsewhere

...my Playing Big post has seen the light of day elsewhere as a guest post at Segullah.  Thanks, Michelle, for playing matchmaker :).  I've enjoyed reading the insights and conversation it generated, which has made me think about it in a new light.  And, turns out, the quote wasn't by Nelson Mandela after all!

...speaking of elsewhere, I just posted a new entry at Letters to a Parent.  I have loved reading Brene's wisdom on her blog and she graciously accepted the invitation to share her thoughts at Letters.  Keep 'em coming, please!

...my mind is also elsewhere today as I try to prepare for teaching next week.  I'm stuck on the preparations for the third session, which is on Death and Dying (certainly a part of lifespan development, after all).    I have the lecture part down but would love to include some movie clips or book passages to highlight the theories and encourage discussion.  Any suggestions?  I did find a couple of poignant, topical audio clips from StoryCorps: here and here. 

...my kids are also elsewhere as everyone is back in school today.  Doesn't it feel like a fresh start?  I haven't yet made official resolutions but I'm liking 2009 already, even though we're in our shy, get-to-know-you phase.

photo "elsewhere" via flickr